What’s wrong with me, Lord?

You appear in the lives of my closest friends but not mine! They hear your voice, but I don’t! Please, Lord, speak to me! Let me see you!

Can you relate to this frustrated longing? Have you ever wished God would show up in your life like he does for others? When your friends have sudden inspiration that can only be from God, you give a thumbs-up to their God-moment post and try to share their excitement. But secretly you wonder:

Why not me, Lord? What’s wrong with me?

Was this how Thomas felt?

After discovering the empty tomb, the women encountered the risen Jesus. Mary held his feet! Jesus joined all of Thomas’ disciple friends in their secret hideout and they whooped it up. Cleopas and his companion rushed back to Jerusalem in the middle of the night to share the long lesson Jesus taught from the scriptures. Even Peter the Denier experienced the resurrected Jesus personally.

Thomas has heard their exuberant, detailed, too-good-to-be-true stories, probably multiple times. The whole gang is on fire!

But Jesus hasn’t shown up for Thomas. Why not me, Lord?

We call him Doubting Thomas and we can relate to his skepticism.

Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.
A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here.” Jn 20:25-27

Jesus accommodates Thomas’ need, offering his hands and side. I’ve read the story a hundred times. I’ve heard it preached from multiple perspectives. And every time I’ve missed one detail. Did you catch it?

Thomas waits an entire week hoping for his own God sighting. He longs to see Jesus for seven days, including worship on the Sabbath.

Can you relate to Waiting Thomas?

Waiting can be painful. Watching your friends’ joy is bittersweet when they have what you crave. Wondering why Jesus hasn’t shown up and if he’ll ever speak to you can hurt.

Why am I passed over?

Why isn’t my prayer answered?

What’s wrong with me?

Are you there God? It’s me, [insert your name].

We can’t be certain what Thomas felt or thought during that very long week, but I wonder:

• Did he feel left out or less important than the others?
• Did he feel unworthy or rejected by Jesus?
• Did he feel punished for wanting proof?

Have you ever experienced these emotions while waiting on God? Maybe the question should be “Who hasn’t?”

It’s possible though, that Thomas’ faith changed with each passionate retelling. It’s possible that in small increments he began to trust his friends and consider the remote possibility that it might be true.

We know that when Jesus offers Thomas his side, Thomas no longer needs to touch. He is the first to proclaim that not only is Jesus the Messiah, but Jesus is God.

Thomas said to [Jesus], “My Lord and my God!” Jn 20:28

What prayer are you waiting for God to answer?
How do you feel about waiting?
Do answers to your friends’ prayers sting?
Or do they reassure you that God is at work?

Take a moment:

• Bring your prayer to God one more time.
• Praise his compassion to understand how you feel in the waiting.
• Recall a friend’s answered prayer and thank God for responding.
• Ask him to increase your faith with every answered prayer.

Thomas gets a reputation for doubting, but click to read about other doubters. And click to consider how our own lives reflect complete trust or a bit of doubt.

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