My comment stunned her. I didn’t see her wide-eyed shock, nor the glances exchanged between those who overheard. Words I meant for encouragement burst through my lips as unspeakably hurt.

I unintentionally fractured a friendship.

That night, she lay awake, replaying my words. The sting of my insensitivity refused to fade. A warm shower, the aroma of brewing coffee, even her dog’s morning kisses—nothing soothed the ache in her heart.

Was our close spiritual friendship over?

She faced an uncomfortable choice: ignore the pain and let resentment fester or bravely, vulnerably, address my harshness.

A pit formed in her stomach. A whisper in her heart urged, “Be brave. Don’t run. Fight for this friendship.”

Her text lit up my phone, “we need to chat.”

She followed Jesus’ instructions for resolving conflict. If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. (Matthew 18:15 MSG)

The First Step: Honest Conversation

With humility, she approached me: “You said something that hurt me. Can we talk about it?”

That simple query, spoken in love, opened the door for healing. Most conflicts between spiritual friends can be resolved with honesty, humility, and a willingness to listen. Repentance and forgiveness.

Addressing hurt directly takes courage, especially when someone we trust inflicts the wound. The deeper the relationship, the deeper the pain. But true friendships are worth reconciling.

Met with Resistance? Step Two

Not every attempt at resolution goes smoothly. If the person refuses to acknowledge the hurt or justifies their behavior, Jesus prescribes the next step: If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. (Matthew 18:16 MSG)

These peacekeepers shouldn’t be allies who “take sides.” Choose wisely—perhaps a mutual friend or someone who witnessed the conversation firsthand. Jesus warns against gossiping or rallying support against the offender. The goal is not to win the conflict but to restore the relationship.

Living in right relationship with God and each other is at the heart of righteousness. A beloved, forgiven people extend God’s love and forgiveness. We love God by loving each other.

Even if reconciliation isn’t possible, courageous conversations set us free.

If All Else Fails: Step Three

But what if the offender still refuses to recognize your hurt? Jesus teaches that if all efforts fail, the church should no longer hold them to Christian standards (Matthew 18:17). Don’t shun them, but understand that their heart hasn’t yet been shaped by God’s forgiveness.

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

By example, Jesus immediately tells the story of a servant who owed an unpayable debt. His master forgave him completely. Yet, the same servant refused to forgive someone who owed him far less. In response, the master withdrew his mercy (Matthew 18:21-35).

Why? Because true forgiveness transforms us.

Even if it’s personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, ‘I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,’ forgive him. (Luke 17:3-4 MSG)

Reconciliation Strengthens Community

Jesus knew our human capacity to hurt one another. When He invited diverse people groups to gather, slave/free, Jew/Gentile, men/women, He rightly predicted conflict. Our diverse community grows stronger by healing fractured relationships.

When we address wounds with love and humility, we:

• Strengthen trust instead of letting resentment fester
• Create a culture of honesty instead of avoidance
• Treat each other with God’s loving kindness

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Colossians 3:12-14

A community shaped by forgiveness is a resilient community. When we refuse to address hurt, division creeps in. But when we face the hard conversations, friendships deepen, families heal, and churches grow stronger.

Maybe today is the day to fight for reconciliation.

• Is there a lingering wound keeping you from someone you love?
• A conversation you’ve been avoiding?
• A friendship that feels too broken to mend?

Ask God for the courage to take the first step.
Send the text.
Start the conversation.

Reconciliation isn’t easy, but it binds us together in love.

The Lord’s Prayer shapes our hearts to forgive others as we have been forgiven. If you aren’t certain of God’s forgiveness, I can relate. I was an adult before I realized He’s a loving Father who welcomes us home no matter what. God patiently waits for us to lay down our shame and return to Him.

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